In the past, I went through toxic experiences that left me feeling shattered and drained. Those experiences made me realize the importance of staying away from toxic environments at any cost. Although I’ve experienced toxicity more frequently in the past, I still catch myself falling into old patterns, tolerating unworthy situations or individuals. Our failure to learn from mistakes leads us to repeat toxic cycles. Encountering the same situations over and over is God’s way of telling you to change your patterns. Sometimes, God puts us in situations to teach us and make us obedient.

Recently, my level of obedience hasn’t met my expectations. I’ve discovered that toxicity has become a part of my surroundings. In the past, I would point fingers at others for toxic behaviors, but now I acknowledge mutual responsibility. I’ve realized that I can’t change people, but I can choose my company wisely. With all that is happening in this world no one should be engulfed in toxicity. Toxic environments exist solely to create more stress and less peace. When I talk about toxicity, I’m not just talking about intimate relationships. Toxicity can be present in different types of relationships, including intimate, familial, friendly, or professional ones.’ve experienced toxic dynamics within my family, romantic relationships, and workplace. I have always struggled with the difficulty of letting go. I have a hard time giving up on people because I understand the pain of abandonment from personal experience. As a result, I often find myself holding onto resentment and staying in unhealthy relationships for longer than necessary. This blog serves as a reminder that holding onto toxic attachments leads to more suffering than joy in the long run. Refusing to let go can lead to wasting precious years that can never be regained. If you’ve read my books “The Healing Journey” or “Trusting God In The Storm,” you know about my experiences in toxic environments with toxic people. I used to feel ashamed about my toxic twenties, but now I see it as a valuable learning experience. I have also learned that sacrificing your peace of mind isn’t worth it, regardless of love, history, or relation. It’s imperative to establish boundaries and take responsibility for your actions, being aware of red flags and staying true to your principles. In addition to letting go of toxic people and environments , it’s important to practice forgiveness towards both them and yourself.

I’ve always understood the importance of forgiveness, but Pastor Jerry Flowers’ sermon on forgiveness gives a fresh perspective on forgiveness and emphasizes the significance of forgiving. 1. Forgiveness has no conditions. 2. Forgiveness does not mean downplaying the offense 3. Forgiveness doesn’t require rekindling the relationship 4. Holding onto unforgiveness creates a spiritual debt. The key message I gathered from the sermon is that it’s acceptable to forgive and move on, but that does not invalidate what was done to you. It also doesn’t imply that you must reconcile with someone who has caused you pain. With age, I’ve come to understand that sometimes it’s best to walk away, particularly when the other person refuses to change. It’s never easy to part ways. If I were to counsel my younger self, I would say “Leaving doesn’t break you, it builds your bravery.” I often wish my 20-year-old self understood the importance of bravery in walking away, forgiving, and establishing healthy boundaries.

We may not be able to alter a specific time in our lives, but we have the power to transform our lives significantly.  The first step to transforming your life in a positive way is identifying unhealthy patterns. Also, if you ever find yourself tempted to reconnect, remind yourself of the negativity, manipulation, and drama. Sustaining a life filled with constant drama can be detrimental to your mental, spiritual, and emotional well-being. Assess how these relationships affect your mental and emotional health. If you find that walking away is still challenging, remember that taking small steps is key. Begin by establishing clear boundaries as your first step. After defining your boundaries, communicate your requirements and limits confidently and clearly. At times, this may involve creating distance from certain individuals. In some cases, it may require severing ties with those who hinder your well-being and progress. As you navigate the journey of severing ties with toxicity, always remind yourself that you are an amazing individual. You deserve to be surrounded by positive, enriching relationships and environments that allow you to grow and thrive. In this phase of my life, I only want nurturing relationships that bring positive energy into my life. Whether through church groups, family interactions, or meeting new individuals, my main goal is to surround myself with people who support my growth effortlessly. Nurturing positive relationships can bring about a meaningful transformation in your life. 

Once I start thinking about reconnecting with toxic people and environments, I am reminded of the saying “birds of a feather flock together.” It’s vital to be aware of the individuals you consistently surround yourself with. They can shape who you become. Therefore, surround yourself with individuals who motivate your aspirations, honor your boundaries, and add value to your life. Let go of relationships that drain rather than nurture you.

Diligently work on acknowledging your role in these situations, because often we may unknowingly contribute to the issues we face. If you find yourself facing conflicts everywhere you go, it might be time to reflect on your own actions. Reflect on your mindset as well. I frequently remind myself to step back and reflect. I also engage in self-discovery and practice self-care. I do this before deciding to sever ties with someone. Self-care is major because neglecting ourselves can impact how we connect with others. Therefore, when contemplating cutting ties with someone, taking a step back for self-care and self-reflection can provide clarity. It can also give a fresh perspective on the situation. Self-care practices, such as mindfulness, exercise, and hobbies, can also help in maintaining a balanced and healthy mindset. Regardless of anything embracing healthier spaces and relationships is what life is all about. Reclaiming your peace and creating a healthier environment for yourself is a journey worth embarking on. It might be challenging, but the reward of a harmonious and fulfilling life is immeasurable. 

I have a question I’ve been asking myself lately, and since you’re reading, I’ll ask you. How would you change your approach after ending a toxic connection or leaving a toxic environment? If I could change one thing, it would be to limit the number of chances given. I used to accept the same apologies without any change in behavior, even if it happened a million times. My confidence took a hit every time I let someone mistreat me and take advantage of me. Today, I’m more selective with chances. However, I still find myself contemplating if I should give certain people another chance. I know I shouldn’t. When my boundaries and feelings are repeatedly disrespected, the only option left is to walk away! It may sound harsh, but it’s the truth. How about yourself? Feel free to comment and share your ideas on what you would do differently.

I provided some tips earlier. I’d like to delve deeper. You may be unsure or need ideas on what to do after removing yourself from a toxic environment. Once you’ve ended a toxic connection or left a toxic environment, there are several important steps you can take. These steps will safeguard your well-being. They will also create a healthier future.

1. It is important to establish clear boundaries to ensure the safety of your mental and emotional state. Clearly express your boundaries and make sure others respect them.
2. Make self-care a priority by focusing on activities that nurture self-love and self-respect. Participate in activities that bring you happiness and foster your overall wellness.
3. Create a positive circle by surrounding yourself with individuals who support and uplift you, encouraging your personal development and well-being. Pick partnerships and surroundings that cultivate your soul.
4. Consider warning signs! Develop the ability to recognize and take note of toxic behavior or environments. Always trust your instincts and make your safety and happiness a priority.
5. If necessary, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist or counselor for professional help. They can assist you in processing your experiences, gaining insight, and developing healthy coping mechanisms.
6. Forgive!! Forgiveness is important for letting go of toxic connections and freeing yourself from emotional burdens.
7. Prioritize personal growth by seeing experiences as chances for self-improvement. Use past mistakes as lessons and work towards becoming the best version of yourself.
8. Stay loyal to yourself! Have faith in your instincts and values when choosing the relationships and environments you involve yourself in. Stay loyal to your true self and place authenticity at the forefront.

When concluding my blogs, I make sure to leave the reader with a single important message. This week’s important message is that every small step you take towards a healthier and more balanced life matters. Each step contributes to your overall well-being. Embrace the journey of letting go, forgiving, and prioritizing yourself with optimism and an open heart. Recognize that faith, purpose, and self-worth will lead you to a more fulfilling life.

–Michelle