Hey there, fabulous folks!

I know I’ve been off the grid, and honestly, it’s because life has been spinning like a rollercoaster! I’m on this wild spiritual journey, and you know how it goes—when you’re leveling up & drawing closer to Christ, the devil sends in all sorts of distractions! I’m all about that spiritual warfare life, and let me tell you, this year has been a battlefield! Just when I’m loving and working on myself, BAM! Chaos hits! That’s when I tend to go a little off-script, skipping out on my favorite things like writing, soaking up the little joys, or even keeping up with my Bible. The year 2024 has been a ride, for sure! 

I tend to isolate myself during challenging times, which is the last thing I should do. Recently, I have been living in solitude, grappling with many of my life choices, goals, and sense of purpose. I often find myself questioning: Am I doing enough? Am I a good enough mother? Why does my husband choose to stay married to me? This self-doubt has led to stress and mental exhaustion, all because I failed to recognize an important truth about myself: I am the source of my own problems!

Have you ever reflected on your life and the storms you have endured and thought, “Wow, I might be the problem?” I had that realization last week. I aim to be transparent because I know my readers are imperfect believers, simply navigating life and doing their best. I want to share my vulnerability in hopes that this blog resonates with someone who needs to hear it. This year has been particularly tough for me. My marriage has faced more challenges than usual; my children are each in different mental and emotional phases, and I’m just trying to stay afloat. Writing has always been my refuge, but recently, I’ve found myself sulking instead, letting negativity invade my thoughts, actions, and beliefs. This week, I took a hard look in the mirror and recognized something important. If I genuinely believed in God’s power to transform my life and redirected my focus away from negativity, perhaps my circumstances would improve. I acknowledge that I am the problem because I have been my own worst enemy. I’ve allowed overthinking, external influences, and inconsistency in my spiritual journey to hinder my progress.

So, I’m writing this blog to inspire and enlighten, as we often don’t realize we’re in our own way until someone points it out. This is my question to you: Are you the problem? Are you standing in your own way? Do you even recognize what it means to be in your own way? Do you know that getting in your own way and impeding your own growth is a form of self-sabotage? Before we dive into the definition of self-sabotage, its manifestations, and the reasons it affects so many people, I want to say this: The first step towards growth and healing is cultivating Self-Awareness! Without it, how can you recognize your patterns of self-sabotage?

Understanding the Roots of Self-Sabotage

Gaining self-awareness and understanding your true self is similar to illuminating a darkened room; it enables you to navigate through your fears and insecurities with clarity. Though I have been navigating some challenges, I recently experienced an “aha” moment where I recognized that I was the source of my problems. This realization brought me back to myself and to you! Lately, I have been praying, reflecting, and focusing on my personal growth. I’ve come to understand that perfectionism is an illusion. To truly grow, I must embrace and leverage my flaws to my advantage. Once I reached this understanding, I began reconnecting with my true self. I’ve started reconnecting with the little things that bring joy and meaning back into my life—simple pleasures like taking long walks in nature, journaling my thoughts, and spending quality time with my kids. These moments remind me that I am enough just as I am. I’m learning to embrace imperfections in myself and my relationships, understanding that growth often comes through the cracks where the light gets in. 

The definition of self-sabotage is the act of undermining one’s own success or well-being. It often manifests through behaviors or thoughts that hold us back from achieving our goals or living our best lives. These can include procrastination, negative self-talk, perfectionism, or avoiding tasks that could lead to personal growth. Self-sabotage is insidious because it often operates unconsciously, driven by deep-seated fears, insecurities, or a reluctance to step out of our comfort zones. Recognizing these patterns is crucial because it empowers us to challenge and change them, paving the way for a more fulfilling and authentic life. By understanding the roots of self-sabotage, we can replace these behaviors with positive actions that align with our true desires and aspirations.

It is a MUST to understand the roots of self-sabotage. Multiple factors can drive us to engage in behaviors that hinder our growth or overall well-being. Here are a few common ones that many individuals may encounter.

1. Fear of Failure: One of the most common roots of self-sabotage is the fear of failure. This fear can paralyze us, making us avoid taking risks or pursuing opportunities that could lead to success. When we’re afraid of failing, we might procrastinate, set unachievable goals, or not even try in the first place, protecting ourselves from potential disappointment.

2. Low Self-Esteem: Low self-esteem often feeds into self-sabotaging behaviors. When we don’t believe in our worth or capabilities, we may unconsciously engage in actions that confirm these negative beliefs. This can manifest as negative self-talk, reluctance to accept compliments, or settling for less than we deserve.

3. Fear of Success: Interestingly, fear of success can be just as debilitating as fear of failure. Success can bring about changes, expectations, and responsibilities that we might not feel ready to handle. As a result, we might sabotage our efforts to avoid these perceived pressures.

4. Perfectionism: Perfectionism is another root cause of self-sabotage. By setting unrealistically high standards, we set ourselves up for failure, as these standards are often unattainable. When perfection isn’t achieved, this can lead to procrastination or abandoning projects altogether.

5. Comfort Zone: Staying within our comfort zone can lead to self-sabotage. Growth requires stepping into the unknown and embracing change, which can be uncomfortable. We might resist this discomfort by clinging to familiar patterns and avoiding new experiences that could foster growth.

6. Past Trauma or Negative Experiences: Past traumas or negative experiences can profoundly influence our behavior. For example, if we’ve faced criticism or rejection in the past, we might sabotage our efforts to prevent similar pain in the future. These past experiences can create a subconscious barrier to pursuing our true potential.

7. Lack of Self-Awareness: Finally, a lack of self-awareness can contribute to self-sabotage. We might not recognize how our actions hold us back without understanding our motivations and behaviors. Developing self-awareness is crucial to identifying and altering these patterns.

Dismantling Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

It is imperative for me to list the roots of self-sabotage because by understanding these roots, we can begin to address and overcome the behaviors that inhibit our growth. You might be thinking, “I can relate to this, but how can I address it?” To address self-sabotaging behaviors, you must first be open to change. Recognizing self-sabotaging behaviors is the first step toward healing and growth. Once you’ve identified these patterns, taking proactive steps to address them is crucial. Here are some strategies you can implement to overcome self-sabotage :

1. Cultivate Self-Awareness

Developing self-awareness is crucial to understanding the motivations behind your actions. Spend time reflecting on your thoughts and behaviors. Journaling can be a helpful tool to track patterns and identify triggers. By understanding what drives your self-sabotage, you can begin dismantling these behaviors.

2. Set Realistic Goals

Break down your goals into manageable steps and celebrate small victories along the way. Setting achievable goals can prevent feelings of overwhelm and fear of failure. It also helps to keep you motivated and focused on progress rather than perfection.

3. Challenge Negative Self-Talk

Pay attention to your inner dialogue and replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. When you think, “I can’t do this,” reframe it to “I am capable of overcoming challenges.” Positive self-talk can boost your self-esteem and encourage a growth mindset.

4. Embrace Imperfection

Accept that perfection is an illusion and that mistakes are learning opportunities. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and open to growth. You can develop resilience and a healthier relationship with failure by embracing imperfections.

5. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

Push yourself to try new experiences and take risks, even if they’re small. Stepping out of your comfort zone can lead to personal growth and greater accomplishment. Remember, discomfort is part of the growth process.

6. Seek Support

Surround yourself with a supportive community that encourages your growth. This could be friends, family, or a support group. Sharing your journey with others provides accountability and a sense of belonging.

7. Practice Mindfulness

Incorporate mindfulness practices, such as meditation or deep breathing, into your daily routine. Mindfulness helps you stay present and focused, reducing anxiety and stress. It also allows you to respond thoughtfully to situations rather than react impulsively.

8. Forgive Yourself

Understand that self-sabotage is a part of being human, and it’s okay to make mistakes. Forgiving yourself is an essential step in healing and moving forward. Show yourself compassion and kindness as you work on making positive changes.

You can create a path to a more fulfilling life by actively addressing these behaviors. I have decided to remind myself that growth is a journey, and every step you take brings you closer to your true potential. Even if I may exhibit some self-sabotaging behaviors today, it doesn’t mean I can’t change those patterns and improve tomorrow. Life isn’t about achieving perfection; instead, embrace your current situation and continue to give it your all, no matter the circumstances.

Before I wrap up, I want to emphasize this: self-sabotage resembles spiritual warfare. Therefore, when you recognize that you are engaging in self-sabotage, put on the whole armor of God. Remember that you are not battling these challenges alone. Ephesians 6:11 encourages us to “put on the whole armor of God” to stand firm against the obstacles that seek to undermine us. This armor includes truth, righteousness, peace, faith, salvation, and the Word of God. Each piece equips you with the strength and resilience needed to face self-doubt and negative patterns head-on.

As you navigate this journey of self-discovery and growth, believe that you are capable of change. Embrace the grace that allows you to start anew each day. Reflect on your lessons and use them to propel your progress. Know that every small step is significant and contributes to your overall progress.

Let this be your reminder: you are strong and resilient and have the power to overcome any barrier you face. With faith as your guide, continue to nurture yourself and your spirit. Let’s celebrate our victories, no matter how small, and find strength in our shared experiences.

Resources to Assist You on Your Healing and Spiritual Journey:

The Healing Journey: A Guide to Healing & My Own Personal Stories of Hurting to Healing.

Stagnation to Success: A Guide to Shifting Your Mindset to Achieve Success

Embracing the Shadows: A Mindset Workbook for Self-Discovery 

Trusting God In the Storm 

-God Bless

Michelle