Why Do I Keep Ending Up Here?
It’s a question many women ask themselves. I too have asked myself this exact question. It was usually when I was alone, in silence, and often through tears. Most women ask this question after another failed relationship or another “situationship” that felt like something real…until it wasn’t. Sadly women usually come to this conclusion after trying so hard, giving so much, loving so deeply—and still being left with confusion, pain, and emptiness. If this sounds familiar, let’s make one thing clear from the start: There is nothing wrong with you. But there may be something unhealed within you that’s driving who you choose and how you love.

The Pattern You Can’t Seem to Escape

Maybe you’ve been in back-to-back relationships. Maybe the divorce isn’t even final before you find yourself texting someone new. Maybe your phone is always buzzing with “your man, your man”—or someone else who’s not quite right, but just enough to keep the loneliness away. And maybe, deep down, you know it’s not love you’re chasing.

It’s relief.

It’s validation.

It’s comfort in a familiar chaos.

But, regardless I want whoever is reading this to know: 

You’re not broken.

You’re tired.

You’re grieving.

And you’re surviving.

But you don’t have to survive like this anymore.

Why You Keep Ending Up In These Situations

1. You’re Trying to Fill a Void, Not Build a Bond.

There’s a difference between connection and distraction. Many women unknowingly jump into relationships not out of love; but out of need. The need to feel seen, desired, and less alone. When you haven’t had the space to grieve and rebuild, every “he seems nice” turns into another detour away from healing.

2. You’ve Never Had Time to Sit With Your Pain.

If your life has been a timeline of relationships without real breaks, you may have mistaken proximity for purpose. Pain requires pause. Healing requires silence. And love…real love that is; requires wholeness.

3. You’ve Confused Love With Being Chosen.

Somewhere along the way, many women start equating their worth with being wanted. So even when the man is emotionally unavailable, married, manipulative, or toxic, the validation of being “picked” becomes a drug. But that’s not love. That’s survival mode.

4. You’re Spiritually Starving.

Busy doesn’t mean fulfilled. Talking to someone doesn’t mean intimacy. Dating doesn’t mean connection. Many women stay emotionally entangled not because it’s good—but because it’s familiar. And familiar feels safe… until it doesn’t.

The Hidden Cost of Not Healing

The truth is: You can’t outrun grief with a new good morning text. You can’t cover heartbreak with love that’s conditional. And you can’t replace your peace with another person. Every time you start something new without healing what came before, the wounds deepen. The confusion multiplies. The emotional debt grows. How do I know? I’ve lived through it myself, and it took a toll on my clarity, self-worth, and trust in myself. I often felt trampled upon and betrayed. I allowed myself to be mistreated and not given the love I deserved because I yearned for connection I was never going to receive. I often thought, “Maybe he will change,” “Maybe things will improve someday,” or “I can help him become better.” But each time I chose to stay when I knew I should have walked away, I subjected myself to the cycle of more pain & self-sabotage.

So, How Do You Break the Cycle?

1. Go Cold Turkey: Detox From Men for 30-60 Days.

No texting. No flirting. No dating apps.

Not because you’re punishing yourself; but because you’re purifying your peace.

Use this time to listen to your own voice, not the one you’ve been trying to impress or decode.

2. Grieve—Don’t Avoid.

Let yourself feel it.

Journal. Pray. Cry. Scream. Meditate. Sit in silence.

Ask yourself:

• “What did I lose?”
• “What was I hoping to get from him that I didn’t get from me?”
• “What was I afraid of being alone with?”

3. Redefine What Love Looks Like

Love is not chaos.

Love is not potential.

Love is not a fixer-upper project.

Love is safety, freedom, consistency, and peace. If you’ve never experienced that—start by giving it to yourself.

4. Build a Support Circle That Doesn’t Want Anything From You.

Sisterhood. Therapy. Mentors. Spiritual guidance.

Places where you’re not performing, flirting, or people-pleasing.

Places where you’re just allowed to be.

5. Forgive Yourself for All of It.

For staying too long.

For going back when you knew better.

For confusing attachment with love.

For learning the hard way.

The Truth Most Won’t Say Out Loud
If no one has told you this yet, let’s make it clear:

• You don’t need a man to feel whole.
• You don’t need attention to feel validated.
• You don’t need to be chosen to be enough.
• You don’t have to keep repeating pain just because it’s familiar.

Final Word: 

You Are Not Beyond Healing

• You are not too broken to heal.
• You are not too late to begin anew.
• You are not too complex to be understood.
• You are not too “damaged” to be loved.

But remember, that love must first come from within you.

So, if you’re uncertain about what to do next, consider this:

• Eliminate distractions.
• Embrace your truth.
• Heal intentionally.
• Choose yourself—completely and without apology.

Because when a woman makes the choice to prioritize herself, the cycle comes to a close. And that’s when genuine love truly begins.

What I listened to as I wrote this blog: