You know what’s hard?

What’s hard is when you’ve been in a relationship for years—one where love was wrapped in shared trauma. It wasn’t just romance, it was survival. You loved them not just for who they were, but for what you both endured. You showed grace when others might’ve walked away. You forgave things you swore you’d never accept. You gave chance after chance because you saw their pain—and somewhere along the way, it started to feel like it was your job to heal them.

Over time, you let your guard down. You shared your secrets. You grew comfortable. Then came the reveal—a secret they should have told you long before you got serious. But they waited. And now, you’re deep in, entangled in their story, and theirs in yours. What people don’t talk about enough is how shame can become contagious in a relationship. Their wrongs felt like your wrongs. Their secrets became your burden to carry. You protected them, defended them, even lived in a facade just to keep the illusion going. And all the while, the real you slowly disappeared.

I know that feeling intimately.

For years, I lived like that. In silence. In shame. And even when things changed, I kept covering up their mess, trying to “save face” for someone who would never do the same for me.

But here’s the miracle: the day I released that person, the blessings started to flow.

My relationships began to flourish. My village strengthened. My kids and I grew closer. My spirit revived. I discovered parts of me I didn’t know existed because I had been so buried under emotional weight. And I know without a doubt—it was them that blocked my blessings.

All 2023 and 2024, I prayed a simple, consistent prayer: “Lord, reveal and remove.”

And God did not miss.

He showed me who they really were. And then He removed them in ways that were undeniable. The same person I once couldn’t imagine living without—He proved I was better off without. And now? People are shocked that I’m getting divorced. But let me be clear: I’ve always been private. I will never go online to expose anyone or spill the details. I’m not bitter, I’m free. But let me say this to anyone watching from the outside:

You do not know someone just because you see pictures. Just because you’re around them. Just because they seem “nice.” Unless you’ve lived with them, unless you’ve shared their silence and their secrets, you don’t know them.

If you’re going to judge someone’s healing journey, do your research first. You might be surprised at who someone really is behind closed doors.

Now, to the woman reading this—maybe you’re in the middle of a separation. Maybe the divorce papers are signed. Maybe you’re still trying to find the strength to walk away.

Let me talk to you.

Sis, find yourself again.

Rediscover your laugh, your joy, your rhythm. Spend time with your babies. Take yourself out to eat. Run that bubble bath and play your favorite playlist. Go for that solo drive, cry if you need to, then wipe your face and remind yourself—you’re still worthy.

Don’t believe the lies they told you.

“You’ll never find anyone else.”

“No one will want you with kids.”

“You’re too damaged now.”

LIES.

Since I’ve been separated—not once has a man I’ve encountered cared about how many kids I had. What they cared about was who I was. My heart. My vision. My walk with God. And let me be clear—I wasn’t even looking for them & I have declined dating or relationships until I am 100% ready. But it just goes to show, the right people don’t see your children as baggage. They see them as blessings.

So no, you’re not too broken. No, it’s not too late. No, your best years are not behind you.

Your life isn’t over. It’s just beginning.

Take this season to fall in love with you. Get a babysitter. Let the kids stay with their dad sometimes. Ask for help. Pour back into yourself the way you’ve been pouring into everyone else.

And know this: peace is better than pretending. Truth is better than trauma bonding. And the woman you are becoming? She’s powerful. She’s resilient. And she’s finally, finally free.

-Shell