Lately, I’ve made it my business to find moments of gratitude; real, intentional gratitude. Because truth be told, life gives us a thousand reasons to complain if we go looking for them. But I’ve decided to search for the light instead. As I sit here tonight, surrounded by stillness, my heart overflows with thanks. I’m grateful for my life; for the simple yet powerful gift of being sustained. God has held me together mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally when I didn’t even realize I was unraveling. I’m grateful for my children. Their laughter echoes through the walls of this home. There is peace that rests here even when life tries to whisper chaos. I was telling my kids earlier, “God sustained us through January, February, March, April, May, June. He also sustained us through July, August, September, October, and November. He’s going to carry us through December too.” When I said that out loud, I felt something stir in my spirit. Because it’s true…God has been our anchor through every storm, our quiet strength through every month of uncertainty.

Today, as I worked around the house, I caught myself thinking, “Wow… I’m really doing this.”

A single woman.

A mother of four.

Owning my home.

Running my home.

And learning as I go.

There are so many things I’ve had to figure out on my own. This all began after my divorce following a nine-year relationship and eight-year marriage. Along the way, I’ve picked up small lessons that once frustrated me but now make me proud. I’ve learned to fix things, manage what needs to be done, and most importantly trust myself to handle it all. There’s a certain beauty in not having to depend on anyone else; not out of bitterness, but out of peace. When I say I’ve found peace, I mean a holy peace. This is the kind that sits quietly in the room with you. There’s something sacred about waking up in your own home, walking through rooms that once felt too big, and realizing… this peace belongs to me. I’ve grown to love my solitude. I can sit in silence and not feel lonely. I can sit in quiet and still feel full. And in that quiet, I’ve learned who I am and what I need. I’ve learned the partner I want, and more importantly, the kind I don’t. I’ve learned what I’ll accept and what I’ll never again allow. Last year, I was still adjusting. I was trying to understand this new chapter of singleness. I was wrestling with emotions that felt too heavy to name. But this year? I couldn’t imagine being married right now. I’m too busy enjoying my peace.

There’s no one to argue with. There’s no one to clean up behind. There’s no one to debate or chase down for help. Just calm. Just air. Just stillness. My home feels like a sanctuary and a temple of peace where the walls hum with gratitude. And yet, even in my peace, I had a moment of frustration today. I was doing yard work. Then I hit a snag with a project in the house. I just couldn’t figure it out. My pride wanted to fix it alone. My independence can be stubborn like that because I rarely like to ask for help. But then it hit me: even having someone to call is a blessing. To have a connection. To have people who care enough to lend a hand. To have the means to call a handyman if I need one. That’s not something to complain about… that’s something to thank God for. Because truthfully, there’s nothing lacking here. Upstairs, my children are asleep in their cozy rooms. The air in this house feels like peace. I’m sitting in the middle of it. I whisper thanks to the One who made it all possible. It’s not about the money. It’s not about material things. It’s about that stillness; that deep, grounding peace that can only come from God. And as I sat in that moment, I heard a gentle reminder in my spirit: “Be still. I am sustaining you.”

God reminded me that His presence is always with us, even in the smallest aspects of my life. Including the ones that seem trivial or mundane. I dropped to my knees on the floor of my bedroom. I began to pray while listening to praise and worship music. I realized that there’s no need to worry, because He has already paved the way for me. So, for the rest of this year, I’m making a vow: to wake up every day with gratitude. I will thank God not just for what I have. I’ll thank Him for what He’s protecting me from. I will also thank Him for what He’s building in silence.

Because gratitude shifts everything. Gratitude silences worry. Gratitude opens the door to peace. And I’ll be honest, the peace I’ve found through celibacy has been unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. There’s a clarity that comes when you quiet the noise of lust and lean into the whispers of wisdom. I’ve learned that celibacy births discernment. It sharpens your spirit. It brings a calmness that feels like sunlight on the soul. If you’re reading this and your life feels noisy, I’ll tell you what I’ve learned: step away from the chaos. Separate yourself from anything that doesn’t bring you peace. If you’re not married, try celibacy. If you are, try fasting. Either way; disconnect from the world long enough to reconnect with God.

Because when you do, you’ll realize — God has been sustaining you all along. And sometimes, peace isn’t something you chase. It’s something you allow.

-Shell