We are only ten days into the new year. Just ten. And yet, so much has already been revealed.

I’ve been highly motivated. I’ve felt a steady, calming peace rest over me. I’ve spent real quality time alone. I’ve been fully present with my children. I’ve shared moments with my family here and there. Life has been calm. Almost unnervingly calm. And if I’m honest, that calm scared me at first. Not because something was wrong, but because I am used to chaos. I am used to doing everything at once, moving fast, fixing, reacting, surviving. Peace feels unfamiliar when your nervous system has lived in fight mode for years. But instead of running from it, I leaned into it. I slowed down. I rested. I chose myself.

And in just ten days, this year has already taught me something important. There is no loyalty in this world. There is only alignment.

Before I go any further, I need to say this plainly. I am not perfect. Not even close. I am working on myself every single day. And even though many of the things that shaped me, the wounds, the survival patterns, the ways I learned to cope were not my fault, they are still my responsibility to heal. Growth is my responsibility. Healing is my responsibility. Becoming better is my responsibility.

But so is setting boundaries.

And I have every right to do that.

Even with my family. Even with my mother, the woman who birthed me. I do not always answer the phone. I do not always respond to texts right away. And lately, I have been tired in a way that sleep alone does not fix. I have spent so much time driving back and forth, trying to show up everywhere for everyone, that my body finally said enough. I don’t want to be on the road constantly. I want to rest. I want stillness. I am finishing projects. I have deadlines. I am protecting my energy.

What truly baffles me is how grown adults get upset when they cannot access me, as if access to me is their right. As if when they text me, I must respond immediately. As if I owe my time, my attention, my emotional labor. I don’t. Nobody does.

One of the most freeing truths of adulthood is realizing that nobody owes you anything. And once you understand that, you stop bleeding over unmet expectations. I stopped having high expectations of people a long time ago. My sister taught me that. She told me that high expectations lead to disappointment, so I keep mine low. Not because people are bad, but because people are human. That is why if I reach out and someone does not respond, it does not bother me. I don’t take it personally. I don’t internalize it. And the people who truly know me, my real, authentic friends, understand that my silence is not intentional or malicious. They understand how I am wired.

What many people do not realize is that I am relearning myself after ten years of being in a relationship. I am rediscovering who I am outside of being a wife, outside of constant emotional labor, outside of survival mode. And what I have learned about myself is this.

I love being alone.

I love it so much that I will go to the trail, sit on a rock by the lake, and stare at the water for two or three hours without moving. Just sitting. Breathing. Existing. I love being alone so much that when all of my kids are gone, I will stay in the house the entire weekend. I won’t even leave for food. I will sit there until Sunday around four o’clock, completely content.

I love being alone so much that I would rather take myself out to eat and eat in silence than sit across from anyone else. No conversation. No small talk. Just peace. And I think it is because I am burnt out from interacting with other humans, especially the draining ones. I simply cannot do it anymore. It is exhausting. Even yesterday, I took myself out. I had my favorite food. Pizza. Y’all know I love that pizza truck. I had a meeting that day. I put on clothes. I ran my errands. I made sure my kids were fed. And when my younger kids left, I went and got myself something to eat. I almost missed the food truck, but I made it just in time before he closed. And I enjoyed every bite in peace.

I am single. I am free. I don’t owe anyone anything. I am not dating. I am not in a situation. I don’t have a boo. I am celibate. I am sober. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I don’t numb myself. And I am loving this season of my life.

Now here is something that matters deeply to me, and it needs to be said clearly.

Friendships, relationships, and family bonds are supposed to be rooted in unconditional love. The love is supposed to be unconditional. I have a small handful of friends that I love like family. Truly. I would give them the shirt off my back. I love my family the same way. And in relationships, I have always been the same. I have poured into people. I have given my time, my energy, my support, my heart.

So if your attachment to me comes with conditions, I do not want it. At all.

Because this is what hurts the most. When you have spent hours on the phone with someone, confiding in each other, comforting each other, pouring into one another equally, only for them to decide that because you are not always available, they no longer want you in their life.

That is not love. That is manipulation. That is childish. And I do not have space for that.

And here is the truth I cannot soften.

I feel so fucking at ease in my life right now.

I feel light as a feather. I feel like I am living inside a bubble where nothing exists but joy, peace, and clarity. I cannot fully explain it, but I know it is real. And I am not allowing any soul to disrupt it.

In just ten days, I have lost two friendships that were over twenty years old. One male. One female. The male friendship ended because we outgrew each other. And I made a conscious decision this year that I do not need male friends. I barely have the capacity for friendships as it is, and I am okay with that.

The other friendship ended without a conversation. I woke up one morning and realized I had been unfriended. No explanation. No discussion. Just gone. And I know why. Because I do not answer texts on demand. Because I am not glued to my phone. Because sometimes I am simply living my life.

And one thing about me, once you remove yourself from my life, stay gone. Do not circle back. Do not explain. Do not re enter.

People are being revealed to me this year, and I am letting it happen. This is a year of blessings. This is a year of abundance. This is a year of alignment. I do not care if you think I am stuck up. I do not care if you think I am always in the house. I do not care if you think I never answer my phone.

I am not changing who I am to make other people comfortable.

Sometimes relationships end. Friendships end. Seasons end. And endings make room for new beginnings. That is why it was so important for me to enter this year single, clear minded, and focused. I already knew everyone was not coming with me from 2025 into 2026, and I am at peace with that.

If something is no longer serving you, walk away. Without guilt. Without explanation. Without apology. And if you want to understand me better, read my books. Start with The Healing Journey and Trusting God in the Storm. Check out my catalog on Amazon.

But understand this.

I am not changing who I am for anyone.

I love being left alone.

I don’t want to be bothered.

And I am genuinely happy.

That is my prerogative.

-Shell