This blog is for my ladies…but fellas, you can read too, because truth be told, some of this applies to you as well. Over the past week, I’ve been reflecting on something a lot of us women struggle with in relationships: the art of detachment. Too often, we stay in situations longer than we should, because we don’t fully understand that when someone shows us who they are, that’s exactly who they are. You don’t ask a snake why it bit you because you know; snakes bite. And once it bites, you’re not going to go chasing after it. Yet so many women do this with men who have already shown their true colors. What we don’t always realize is that it’s okay to let go. It’s okay to start over. It’s okay to rewrite your story.

If you’ve been following me or read any of my books, you know my journey. My first marriage ended because I refused to tolerate cheating or toxicity. I walked away. This time around, it wasn’t infidelity; it was indifference. And I made a promise to myself: I will not beg to be loved. I will not beg for affection, attention, or respect. At 36, I know my worth, and I refuse to shrink myself for anyone. And yes…walking away from years of history hurts. I cared deeply. I have a heart. But what I’ve learned is this: every time I leave what no longer serves me, I level up. Mentally. Spiritually. Physically. Emotionally. Before my last separation, I was having disturbing dreams—demonic, dark, unsettling. But the moment he left my space, those dreams stopped. They were replaced with peace. That’s not a coincidence. Sometimes it’s not just the relationship that weighs you down; it’s the energy attached to it. Usually, it’s their energy that reels you in, but the million-dollar question is: Are you entangling yourself with a good energy or a bad energy? The key takeaway is that, regardless of the circumstances, a woman embracing her femininity should never chase a man. Letting a guy know you’re interested and want him isn’t chasing; but if he turns into a mime and you keep saying it on repeat with zero reaction from him, that’s when the chase begins!

Ladies, hear me on this: stop chasing men. A man who wants you will pursue you. The Bible says “He who finds a wife finds a good thing.” That means you are the blessing, not the other way around. But somewhere along the way, the roles got flipped. Too many men out here want to be courted, catered to, and chased. If I have to chase you, I don’t want you. Period. And while we’re here; stop with the endless second, third, fourth chances. If a man plays you once, he will do it again. Stop waiting for the third red flag. Two is enough. Cut him off. If I can detach from someone I spent ten years with, believe me, I will not hesitate to cut off anyone else who disturbs my peace. This is the season of cutting off dead weight.

And speaking of dead weight, it’s common for someone who holds you back to make you feel inadequate or unworthy as well. I was told that, as a single mother, who would be interested in me? If I lacked the confidence that resides within me, I would have accepted that statement as truth. Unfortunately, many women find themselves in the same situation.But don’t you ever let anyone make you feel unworthy because you’re a mother. Children are not baggage—they’re blessings. Any man who says otherwise is not a man, he’s a boy. Real men don’t see your kids as a liability; I’ve dated men who were established, mature, successful—who always made it clear my children were not a deal-breaker!!! But remember to set those boundaries! Hold off on introducing your kiddos to your new boo until things have been serious for at least a year. Why? Because it’s crucial to experience all four seasons of a relationship to genuinely see someone for their true self!

You can be a wonderful mother and still enjoy dating! Trust me; I know! So, take care of your kids. Handle your responsibilities. But don’t neglect you. When I step outside, no matter how heavy my day is, I look good. Not for a man, but for me. Because when you carry yourself like the prize, you attract what you deserve.  Take care of your body: move, eat well, dress like you love yourself. Take care of your emotions: don’t let a man pull you into instability. Take care of your mind: level up, glow up, grow. Nurture your spirit with the same care you give to your physical shell. Be sure that you spend time with God. I make it a habit to journal and hang out with God every day because my faith and relationship with Him are my foundation. This stays the same, whether I’m single or dating. Since my divorce, I’ve been living my best life. I haven’t turned down opportunities, events, or experiences. I don’t sit around waiting for life to happen—I go out and live it. And you know what happens when you start loving yourself out loud? You glow. People notice. They feel it before they see it. That’s why strangers walk up and say, “You look so pretty. You’re glowing.” Because healed women shine differently.

So ladies, let me remind you of this: You are the prize. You are the gift. You are the one worth chasing, cherishing, and protecting. Don’t ever let anyone make you forget that.

Love yourself harder. Take care of yourself better. And level up higher than you were before the breakup. Because healed women don’t just survive heartbreak… We transform. We rise. We reignite. And we win.

If you are a woman on her healing journey and seeking motivation to improve and evolve into a better version of yourself, explore my catalog available on Amazon, Audible, and Apple Books. You can find the links on my homepage or right here. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I sincerely hope you find the healing you seek while enjoying life along the way. – Shell.